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There is a big difference between knowing how to encourage and uplift someone and
knowing how to manipulate them. Understanding how love languages affect others can
be a tool used in a powerful way. It is amazing when we know just what someone needs
in order to feel safe and close, but it is poor judgement when we use that skill to gain
favor with a motive.
In the book The Like Switch, Dr. Jack Schafer PhD, a former FBI Agent shares his tricks
and tips for winning people over and making them like you. Some of his content is
mirrored in the love languages concept. Schafer shares how he engaged suspects
accused of various crimes in such a way that they felt heard, trusted and valued and he
used that to gain information needed to either convict or exonerate them.
In cases such as these, it is valuable to be able to manipulate people into a direction
that serves the purpose at hand; however, this shouldn’t be standard procedure on the
day-to-day with our sphere of influence. Our goals should be noble and in desire to build
relationships that are mutually respectful and gratifying.
Putting love languages into action is easy. Here is a list of ways you can express
yourself within the various modalities:
Words of Affirmation
✓Compliment her outfit
✓Listen to him without offering advice
✓Say you’re sorry when you’re wrong
✓Ask you son how his day went
✓Engage in family dialogue at dinner time
Quality Time
✓Eat dinner as a family
✓Put devices away when speaking to one another
✓Read a relationship book together
✓Enjoy a Sunday drive together
✓Engage in a sporting activity
Receiving Gifts
✓Buy their favorite magazine
✓Add to their favorite collection on special occasions
✓Buy flowers

Acts of Service
✓Start the coffee in the morning
✓Make your son’s favorite meal on a Tuesday
✓Fill the car with gas
✓Change the toilet paper
Physical Touch
✓Give a back or foot rub
✓Hold hands
✓Lie your head on his shoulder
✓Comb your daughter’s hair
The beauty of knowing what motivates and fulfills people is a powerful tool. Being able
to use this tool as an easy way to connect and build intimacy is a blessing. Be careful
with the hearts of others and enjoy the happiness you are providing.